Count On Me

Not more than one a half years ago, I escaped an abusive marriage. I fled over the miles to find peace, refuge and security. It is by far the bravest thing I have done besides not giving up on life in the midst of the turmoil of the unrelenting darkness that surrounded me all those years. Growing up in an environment where abuse was seen as a norm, I pushed away the warning signs that this relationship was no good for me. In fact, I blamed myself and thought I deserved to be treated badly; to be punished for my mistakes. Most often, I shut the still small voice in my heart that yearned to bring me comfort in saying that I was not alone.

To deal with the pain of abuse and rejection I turned into an addict of sorts. It seemed like this was my only escape from reality. It was the only way to ease the pain of emotional hurt, negligence and crazy games. For me, it seemed like the only way to survive and get through another night. Kept away from the counsel of my family and friends, I had no one I could freely open to with the assurance of receiving help. I woke up each day with a sense of fear from the nightmares that stole my sleep almost each night. Sitting in fear all day of what would happen next, I could hardly ever eat. Even more, I withdrew from people, kept to myself and drowned in a deep sea of depression accompanied most often by fantasies of death.

A month after my 2nd attempt to kill myself, I met two wonderful people who became life-changing friends. With their help, I was able to get away from the abuse and danger and I soon found solace in a Non-Profit in New Delhi, India called Maitri. Maitri is a humanitarian and developmental organization that is committed to facilitating citizenship rights, basic services, dignity and respect for most vulnerable populations. I was lucky to find them since the support they have given me is beyond what they even promise to do. Today, not only do I have their help as a domestic violence survivor but am also given the opportunity to creatively be part of the work they do in bringing care and support to those in need.

I still struggle with depression and pangs of anxiety each time I am in a new situation that I was never allowed to experience before. However, with support from new friends, community and God, I am able to overcome. It was never easy being in the trauma of abuse, feeling like my heart weighed so much so that I couldn’t even find the strength to get out of bed and put my feet on the floor. But even now that I am far from such pain, it still isn't easy cause my mind is so used to believing that there is always something to be afraid or hyper vigilant about. It is still so easy to think that nothing is ever going to be okay after all that has happened.

However, today I choose to believe differently. With help and hard work life is hopeful. I urge you today to be that friend who believes in the story of the one who needs you to count on. Perhaps, if you don't know what to do, find someone who does. And if you are the one hiding behind the pain of fear and abuse today, I urge you to never give up because help is possible.

One in three women worldwide has been physically or sexually assaulted by a former or current intimate partner? "Violence against women is a global health problem of epidemic proportions", says World Health Organization (WHO) Director General, Dr. Margaret Chan. Recognizing the urgent need to create safe spaces for women in the public and private spheres, Maitri has taken a leadership role in launching a Million Signature Campaign called Count On Me."

Maitri’s goal is to motivate and inspire people to become part of the movement and the solution to End Violence Against Women. Ending violence against women is necessary to the well-being and mental health of women/girls and their families, but this cannot materialize without changing the mindsets that accept violence.  This is where YOU come in. You can bring a change - you can be the change. First, click the link below to sign the Count On Me Campaign and take your pledge to never commit, allow, or encourage any form of abuse and to respect all women.  Then, please take a moment to share this pledge with your friends and family to help us reach the 1 million mark and to also help spread the word and let those suffering know that there is help and they are not alone.

COUNT ON ME: SIGN THE PLEDGE TODAY

The movement starts with YOU!

Saving changes

My blog is taking a new turn from here. This haven will hold more than prose and literary pieces; it will be home to beautiful moments of simple life. Gone are the days where I had to hide behind metaphors and lines. This is freedom writing...

It's been over a year that I have been in a new place, that I think I can almost call home. Change has surrounded me. All I know is that worst is over and that the best is yet to come. So much is different now; I have a full time job, a bank account, my own space. Biggest of all is I get to make my own decisions. Considering all of the above is pretty cool, I have to say it's been rather scary too. Going out into the world after years of being held back is overwhelming. It's a blur and everything seems so loud and bright. I am learning all over again how to live life as normal. I started off horribly, indecisive of what I should wear, how much I spend and what to do on a long awaited weekend. My dreams are reality and I'm still sitting in bed wondering where to start from.

To start of, I have a great job. The organization I work for is a refuge in its own way to vulnerable people all around. Everywhere you turn, you always see someone in need, in a battle worse than your own. Some don't have food, nor clothing. While others don't even have a place to live. Dubai seems like a kind of Heaven compared to a city bursting with dynamics in the shadows of poverty and corruption. I soon realized that I had left a hopeless foreign land only to come to a place where everyone fights for the right to be heard. I work as a communications programme officer at my NGO but often time my creativity takes a U-turn when a woman in distress walks in with a story of pain and abuse. Often times it feels like a audible reflection of the things of my past and I surprise myself as I find my eyes tearing up at such injustice in so many lives. "I am lucky" I tell myself for I know that it's not often that one has the privilege of turning on a new leaf with the least of hassles.

“Go boldly and honestly through the world. Learn to love the fact that there is nobody else quite like you.” — Daniel Radcliffe

 

In the months gone by I have encountered so much that is new from walking in the rain, to scurrying lizards. I have made the most amazing friends from around the world and experienced the generosity of those who are hardly acquaintances. I am becoming new and realizing that I can never be who I once was.

Just last week my roommates and I opened our home to a young girl who was kidnapped when she was a child. This kid has no where she belongs, no sense of right or wrong, nothing. In spite of being flustered by her mannerisms deep inside I wondered what if this girl was me. I anxiously imagined not knowing where I came from with no sight of the the future. I wondered how afraid I would have been and the desperation for some light to come. At this moment I finally felt I was ready to accept these changes in my life and press forward, believing it only gets better. I sat on my bed, thankful that from deep oceans, I have been washed to shores of care and belonging.  I travail my path with hope, boldness, and value for the simple things in life that I have the privilege of now experiencing.

For to be free is mot merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enchances the freedom of others  - Nelson Mandela

Unashamed

The road to freedom has only begun when you have escaped the greatest despair. The start is always the hardest yet the wind of liberation blows on you. “Live again,” it says.

Let not the past defeat your spirit nor let your mind tire. Take a moment and breathe. Recover from the strenuous accomplishment of breaking away. Gasp for liberty and life. Come awake.

Take pride in your strength to turn on a new leaf, to leave the known behind for what you do not foresee. Each step you take no matter how small is the mark of victory. You choose not to be beaten by what has been eaten away, knowing one day you will be filled again.

You lean not on the words and support of loved ones and friends, but on the hope of the future. You stand boldly before your scars and insecurities and walk over them, triumphantly. You are a fighter to say that you can… that you can and will wake up to a new day and walk on. You may tire but you are never defeated for what it’s worth.

 Your courage is to be praised for no one would want to brave risk on their own. But here you are, overlooking possibilities and the unfamiliar boldly. You wear a smile in spite of what you have yet to attain once more. Your years have not been wasted, nor your spirit crushed to give life a chance once again. It is a valor and fortitude to be hopeful.. to believe tirelessly.

 No, you do not drown in pity and despair of why you had to experience the storm before you could see freedom. You may never be the same again. You may be afraid and unusual. Yet you are special and tenacious to find your feet and soar to new heights.

 You are ready even though you have felt robbed. Think of it as only pain & injustice that has been taken away in exchange for beauty, peace & joy.

His Church

Many a times, we the Church look at people and approach them as projects based on their skill, weighing how we can use them for our benefit. We belittle individuals and cut them down in size yet appearing as if we care and want the best for them.

The church is meant to see people for who they are, as individual lives that are worthy of being loved and being known. They should never embrace someone because they want something out of them but because they yearn to love and affirm just as Christ does.
Our desire should be to see people grow, nourished, mature and  bear fruit through every season. Our goal is to love and bring hope for that very love that we express, that genuine relationship that we partake in transforms imperfect people and stirs them to serve not just God but His church in passion & thanksgiving.

Just as we go before God as we are for the first time.. in our brokenness and failure and just as His love overflows into our hearts only to change us into someone beautifully new so must the Church be transforming, spirit filled gracious, unconditional and genuine . We are his hands and feet. We are meant to be here for each other not to gain but to give. And in this giving comes reward as we become who we are meant to be.

The church does not exist to serve itself nor gain for itself through people but exists to glorify God and serve people for no gain of their own.

It is rare that we approach a person out of genuine desire to serve them and see them grow. It is rare that we put what’s best for them above what’s best for us. We ask ourselves, how will this investment benefit me? What do they have to give back? Perhaps they have nothing. Not now, anyway.
People are real. They are not meant to be pursued based on how much they can be used for the “apparent” glory of god . We the church are meant to serve the heart, soul & body. We are meant to be like Christ, to do as Christ . We are meant to be His Church.

Real Stories

So many of us are too ashamed to share our stories thinking that they are unworthy of being told because of our fallout, immoralities and more. We hide the truth and cover the stains that seem so ugly. Little do we know that there is a power in confession.. confession of the truth even if it’s the brutal truth about our very lives.  The mere utterance of it not only brings liberation but frees those who hear our stories, especially those whose world secretly collides with ours.

You see, the perfect stories are the imperfect ones.. the ones that are raw and uncut. They are the ones that don’t have anything missing.  How ever, we often try to be selective about what we say but that holds no power. Power is in the details that we often hide away and push under the rug. Those are the details that make our stories real and that reach out to the lives of others. It’s the dark stuff that act as a beacon of light to those who are too afraid to lift up their voice to say they are being wronged because they think their sin is to be blamed.

But when we show ourselves as imperfect people, these very hearts who silently struggle realize that there is hope and that they don’t have to be perfect to be justified in their cause. And in bringing them hope, our stories serve a purpose beyond ourselves, encouraging us, our lives as we glorify the Author.

Originally dated: 23/1/2011

Freedom

There is a future in our hearts that we dream of.. A time when all is beautiful and worry does not abide . It is a place where our spirits are full of satisfaction; heavy-laden no more.

The mind of our tomorrows is where the answers to desperate prayers live.. it is where we are weightless.

Freedom needs fighters who will claim all they deserve and more. Freedom needs lovers who are willing to believe that waiting for the prize is never in vain.

If we could wait through the storms then how much easier is it to just walk through the wilderness. Even when we have stepped out of the pain of the past, freedom still needs work and completion. The fight never seems to end but it does.

What has begun must finish. What is hoped for must come to pass. The waiting room has a door that will be opened and the reaping of what was once sown will grow out & cease to be..

Winter will end..

Freedom will be.

Falling Short

At the end of the day, we have all sinned.. we've all fallen short. And the only thing that sets us apart is who's being real about it... who has the courage and the heart to be humble about one's failings in the light of their defense.

New beginnings

Some things are so simple & obvious...

We go through the storms and we no longer can sustain them...We want a way out and we can't help but realize that this is it.

For all time, endurance can't persevere in places where joy must prevail. We are human so  we eventually feel and we know where we are. There is no holding back. Even responsibility, obligation & strength give way and we quietly yearn for something new.

We can't suppress the truth of our condition & desire. We can't hide it forever. At last, what's deeply endured and sacrificed shows itself for what it is. And if we ever choose to to ignore or deny, it exposes itself even more, clanging louder.

And so we come to this inevitable conclusion...

Some things can't be fixed because they're not meant to be. They are shattered glass.

Some things can't be changed because they must be let go off. They are new beginnings.

Limitless

God is holy and unchanging and He takes His stand on things perfectly. I have known that He is limitless and that His ways are profound. His words do not hinder His ways, His holiness is no barrier to His compassion and His covenant does not stop his justice. He desolates the world for one beloved soul, never permitting His own laws to hold them captive.  Each divine command has it's own mystery that is revealed if one looks deeper and opens their heart. Yes, to all creation there is a limit but His ways are boundless.

God breaks no vow he makes but when oppression prevails He moves swiftly destroying that which man once used Him to put together. He is a God of second chances to the weak & weary. His commands do not leave lives bound and neither does He second those who hide behind His law for when injustice conceals itself behind God's command they cause more damage than they ever could on their own.

His laws don't bind.. They fulfill each other... justice  & mercy walk hand in hand.

Never Forget What He Did For You

How hopeless & exceedingly sinful my life was. I remember the danger I was in, how close to death I had been before I'd been shown mercy.

Before you can judge someone else, look at the pit where you would be in without God's mercy. Only then can you say, "God, I know what You did for me and You can do the same for my friend who is in sin. At one time I was just as wicked in Your sight. I can't judge this friend, because You had mercy on me."

Never forget what I did for you, the incredible mercy I showed you. How many times did I dig you out of something that could have destroyed you? You wouldn't be here without My mercy. - God

Paraphrased, David Wilkerson

Young hearts

Young hearts thrive with a passion that burns like fire. What they believe in has depth and intuition. Their thoughts surpass technicality and their discernment is strong and true. Passion gives dynamics to relationship. And when this passion meets honesty there is openess... there is power, greater than any wisdom of old. Such ardor causes God to share His mysteries and truth to them through His Spirit that lives in their heart. And that is why even though they are of youth they are further and deeper than age. He shares His heart with theirs, knowing their passion and burning to simply be a soul ignited

Freedom Fighters

I don’t know where you endure or who you are, yet I know you are somewhere out there, unnoticed and undone. Even more I know we share the mysteries of the same story.

Our prisons have no walls, our fears torment us and our voices go unheard. It has become the norm to be silenced. No one will see the world through our eyes, like a bird in her cage chasing freedom in every breath. Our lives are not our own yet only we know our own bitterness.

But let us believe that there is a God out there who is a an ever present witness to our lives, a God who doesn’t let any detail go unnoticed..One who will decree justice in our favour for the times we’ve borne the pain that our minds and bodies could not comprehend nor contain.

I hope you are fighting to live that you may make it out a freedom fighter

Dated: July 3rd 2010

Love

Christ lay down his life because He calls us friend. It was not his power nor authority that led him to sacrifice. It was never His law that left him obliged. It was simply that He loved us beyond reason to go the distance. He did this that we may be liberated. He did this because that’s what love does. His love shone brightly even in our darkest night.

Promise

“I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
“For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour… . Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life. Fear not: for I am with thee"

— Isaiah 43:1-5 

He has delivered

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears. . . . He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented [came upon] me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me" (Psalm 18:6, 16-19).

 

Forever Faithful

Savoring new found freedom, I strive to walk out of the past and what it made me. Belittled and heavy laden no longer am I. Instead He calls me beloved one, in spite of my reckless guilt and shame. Holding on to the truth that lingers, I fight the lies that I've been told along, gloom that rings loud in my mind and heart. I fight to believe that I am not what they say but what you bespoke over me. In the chaos of my failures and depravity, I still know that I am not forsaken nor given up on. Walking out of the valley, I look to the light in your kind eyes that draws me away from the voices that embitter and I gaze upon the beauty of who you are and what you have done for me.

Most Holy and sovereign , you drew dear to me in my brokenness and drew me out of deep waters and now I am redeemed by your might hands. The hands that sustained me, now delivered me unto liberty and rest. Let your truth capture me and consume every condemnation. Let me believe that I am wanted and known, that I am of worth and a woman after your own heart in spite of my darkness. I plead that my love for you has never been a facade even though my heart and flesh have failed. And Your love kept me standing as I waited for you to come, it picked up my pieces when I broke my life apart, desperate that you would rescue me. You have always been my portion.. the life in my breath, the strength of my heart. Strong tower and my Savior, I could never compare the undeserved favor you show me to what has been given by any other. You are above all.

Help me find myself again, the person you created me to me, the person made in your image. Cast away the dusk of days gone by, the wounding words of those who no longer consider me their own. Redeem the shadows of who I have become to who I should be. Give me a new song. Pardon my falling out for it has been far too deep to be understood by anyone else but me and You. It was all I ever knew.. I never meant to take away. My testimony compromised by my own unintentional actions, I am tried by those holier than I. The storm, too fierce, my strength failed and I was greatly consumed.

Make all things new. Change hearts. Give them your eyes, that they may be merciful too. Make me better, better than I've ever been, let me seek your excellence in all I do and in who I have become. Tired of unsettling comparisons and doubts, I drown in what I only imagine and think I know. Humbly I come before you and hide no frailty but praise the One who saved one who deserved less.

Thank you for knowing me as I am and as I will be. You have always known my heart. Thank you for your loving kindness even when I deserve none. A sum of my mistakes, yet you died for me. You love me even in my sin and you see the pain that brought me here. You see me in ways no other does. It is your merciful perception that caused you to deliver me for no other man would have done so. Even though you are most holy, you chose to save a sinner, while those who have fallen short would never have. How wonderful you are to love me the way you do. How just you are not to over look the hurt caused to me even though I have hurt in return. You have never given up on me though I grew weary to see you come.

Forever faithful you are.

He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me” (Psalms 18:16-19).

Our Stories

The authenticity of our stories lie in giving our characters the benefit of the doubt, respecting their reasons for every failure toward themselves, others and us. This gives our words a stand. This shows our character.. who we are and that our stories go beyond ourselves to see a higher purpose... to bring hope to those whose world collides with ours.

Accent

" ⁵ But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower the people were building. ⁶ The LORD said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. ⁷ Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”

Genesis 11:5-8 New International Version

It's fascinating today to look around us, this global phenomena. Technology has enabled the mind to come across so many different cultures, understand perspectives, study systems and so much more. And it is simply amazing how different we all are. It brings one to appreciate the glory of creation and almost like it gives us glimpse of magnificence. The Bible talks about a time when people were together, in fact they were so united together that everyone spoke the same language and understood each other extremely well. But then there came a time when they all came together and wanted to make a name for themselves. I find it so interesting how God responded to this and changed everyone's language.

We don't even know it, but today we have so many different languages and accents as a result of that event. Every person you pass by on the street has an accent, including yourself, and you may not even know it.

What fascinates me the most though is the fact that when the Spirit of God converses with us there is no accent, no dialect or world influence. It speaks to the very core of our being, the depth of who we are. The sacrifice of Jesus allows us to be united not only as people, but with the head of the body, Jesus, in a way we were not able to before. In that, there is conversation, motion and life. So take the opportunity to realize who He is and who you are in Him.

Explore. Experience.

Passion for Jesus

God loves fellowship: it is one of the main reasons he created us, so He may fellowship with us. Despite our imperfections since the fall, he has still maintained a relationship with us. The Creator of the world has gone out of His way to make sure we still have a chance to keep our end of the relationship through grace, even though he knew that we will still sin afterward. A lot of us would not want to invest in a relationship that would make us feel that we will be cheated out afterward. Really sucks, don't it.

But our God is Love. How can this God have it any other way? Today while I was reading the Word and thinking about all the other possiblities if Jesus wouldn't give His life for us, but then I knew he wouldn't want it any other way.

But us? Most of us are nowhere near the required level.

Since God is our role model and not people, let's love each other. Despite the short comings, despite the mistakes, despite the screw ups, despite the betrayals. You love. It's not easy, it's not supposed to be, whoever said being a follower of Jesus Christ is easy.

Love. Unconditional.

Stale

"So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:16.

"Well cold water we drink hot water we cook, But lukewarm does nothing it just sits and it looks" - New Reality, Lecrae Moore.

I don't think it's strange how some of my favorite verses come under 3:16. For a long time I had wanted to make a post in regards with this verse, but I guess I was waiting for the right time. Being a new believer most of us are filled with passion and zeal, ready to bring down the house, literally willing to proclaim the truth on the rooftops. There are very few things that can be compared to the strong desire of a new believer.

I myself had the strongest enthusiasm, to be able to change the world for the cause of the Word. I didn't care if that got me in some pretty sticky situations. However, after a while sometimes I found this enthusiasm go down. The sad part is, the same is the case with many Christians. They lose the zeal to serve God.

The reason why different people lose the desire and passion of servant hood before God, is of not having the sincere relationship with God you had a one point. How this plays out in your life, that is every individual story.

Sometimes we may grow too "smart" for who we used to be, it's so easy to keep altering who we are in this rapidly changing world. So easy to get sidetracked by the bright lights at the shore. The stories that made a difference in your life and changed who you were into a renewed self, may not mean anything to you anymore.

But the truth is, it was never about that story, circumstance, or situation. It was about God reaching out and us accepting that relationship. It is so important for us to realize who we are in the Lord, for us to not lose focus. Somewhere in all the commotion and noise and commotion of the world, we have forgotten our true identities. That will come back only through a continual renewal of the commitment you have made in God.

You can't be lukewarm. Or you will be spit out. No twist, no turns, no gimmicks attached. Very plain and simple.

Live. Experience Holy Fire.

-Aneel