Monday, March 30, 2009
I am desperate to dwell in your presence
I am so desperate to feel your touch
My heart is longing for you.
Hey you... Lover of my soul, come meet with me.
I want to know what your breathe feels like
I want to know what your touch feels like
I want to know what your presence feels like
So please come. Come here and meet with me
I’m waiting. I’m waiting patiently. Arms wide open. Hungry. Desperate.
Please don’t let me down. Please don’t leave me hanging.
Come you gracious one. Come quickly.
My heart is anxious. My heart is seeking.
I'm overwhelmed by your goodness.
I'm swept off my feet by your love.
I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry to know you more.
I've heard of your magnificent beauty. I've heard of your saving grace.
I just want to know it now. I want to experience it for myself.
So come. For all I truly want is more and more of you.
Lord, You see my heart
in all it's brokenness
You alone can see
the depth of my pain
You alone see
how hurt I truly am
You alone can feel my sorrow
Before You I am transparent
Before You all my pretenses fall
Before You I come exactly as I am
Before You I fail to be what I am not
And I am overwhelmed by
Your accepting love
I am grateful for Your enduring mercy
I am in awe of Your grace
that covers me despite my flaws
I am thankful for open arms
I can run into
I cannot understand why You love me
but You do and I love You because You do
I don't see in me the worth for which
You paid such a great price
Because of Your unfailing love
I cannot leave You
For without You I am nothing
But with You - I am everything!
Everything I yearn to be - I can be
For even in my weakness
You stay by my side
And You never let go
In You everything fades away
for only in You do I find perfect love
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
He takes us through these deserts so that WHEN we are indeed blessed with what we need and fulfilled with what we once longed for, hoped & dreamed of, we would have great value & gratitude for things..for people & appreciation for freedom..for love & value for all good to come..He takes us through the wilderness, that we may begin to see beauty in the ordinary & great purpose in small things that once just passed us by ..and this value we would never have if we didn't go through the testing and waiting..the times of lack & pain. Perhaps..we wouldn't treat people the way they ought to be treated, neither recieve blessings with the preciousness they deserve to be received with..nor see things from a deeper perspective..one of gratitude and realisation.
All along ,we are being prepared for times of refreshing, joy & fulfillment.. for "our" day. As for me.. as I move towards the beauty of the unknown I hold on to hope, faith & peace to get to where I must..never giving up..always moving forward even if the darkness seems never ending or the valley ever deep..I hold on to His love, preparing my heart to fully appreciate my coming promise..my coming day.. whether in this lifetime or Eternal home.
* For Paul..for Jesus and all those who simply live in the hope of the future.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I feel myself fall
Falling through my pitch black pain
I try to hold on
But my fingers keep slipping
Sliding off the meek gripping,
the niches that infested the dark wall
I scream, I cry
My eyes can barely see
the far off light - a tiny dot in the overwhelming distance
Silence engulfs me
I am now surrounded
The familiar voices, the images in my head
taunting, pointing accusing fingers at me
I drown in my guilt, my shame, my ignorance
I try to breathe but I can't find air
I tear at myself, bleeding and desperate
I strive to cry - an outlet for the pain
My screams for help become louder
But they bounce of the walls of my dark prison
The pain doubles, I'm bent in agony
All the while, still falling deeper
deeper into the darkness, my depression
My cries, slowly, fades into feeble moans
and the niches become lesser and smaller
From within my heart
A new cry emerges, a quiet cry that does not escape my lips
It pulls every atom of my being towards one direction - one last cry for help
A moment of absolute quiet seizes me
it engulfs my ears, dimming the voices in my head
In the next breath, the one I fear to be my very last
My soul bursts forth in its cry to its Creator
to take, to hold, to heal
It screams with the last bit of strength
to the God it knows - the Almighty Father
Air rushes through my lungs
bringing my body back to life
My soul is born again, refreshed
Hope is renewed within me
Love is all I can feel
The voices in my head are drowned out by songs of love
The images are blurry and begin to fade into nothingness
All I can say is a single word
The most precious, the most beautiful Name of them all -
There times in all our lives when we feel like we have no choice but to let go because the pain is unbearable - but i want to remind all of us (including me) that God is faithful - He never breaks His promise! But sometimes, unless we are pushed into a corner, completely abandoned by the world, we won't let Him take over. We need to let Him have full control - it's hard but its not impossible. May God be our absolute and only strength. Love You Father and thank You for some awesome God-people in my life.
Friday, March 13th, '09
I thank the Lord for loving me so much and considering my soul to be priceless. I'm so grateful to Him for staying with me through thick and through thin - for never giving up on me even when i had let go. I love You, Father.