.......

I feel myself fall
Falling through my pitch black pain
I try to hold on
But my fingers keep slipping
Sliding off the meek gripping,
the niches that infested the dark wall
I scream, I cry
My eyes can barely see
the far off light - a tiny dot in the overwhelming distance
Silence engulfs me
I am now surrounded
The familiar voices, the images in my head
taunting, pointing accusing fingers at me
I drown in my guilt, my shame, my ignorance
I try to breathe but I can't find air
I tear at myself, bleeding and desperate
I strive to cry - an outlet for the pain
My screams for help become louder
But they bounce of the walls of my dark prison
The pain doubles, I'm bent in agony
All the while, still falling deeper
deeper into the darkness, my depression
My cries, slowly, fades into feeble moans
and the niches become lesser and smaller
From within my heart
A new cry emerges, a quiet cry that does not escape my lips
It pulls every atom of my being towards one direction - one last cry for help
A moment of absolute quiet seizes me
it engulfs my ears, dimming the voices in my head
In the next breath, the one I fear to be my very last
My soul bursts forth in its cry to its Creator
to take, to hold, to heal
It screams with the last bit of strength
to the God it knows - the Almighty Father
Air rushes through my lungs
bringing my body back to life
My soul is born again, refreshed
Hope is renewed within me
Love is all I can feel
The voices in my head are drowned out by songs of love
The images are blurry and begin to fade into nothingness
All I can say is a single word
The most precious, the most beautiful Name of them all -
Jesus!

_______________________________________________________

There times in all our lives when we feel like we have no choice but to let go because the pain is unbearable - but i want to remind all of us (including me) that God is faithful - He never breaks His promise! But sometimes, unless we are pushed into a corner, completely abandoned by the world, we won't let Him take over. We need to let Him have full control - it's hard but its not impossible. May God be our absolute and only strength. Love You Father and thank You for some awesome God-people in my life.

- Miriam
Friday, March 13th, '09